'It's just bad holiday hosting': Husband says he can handle all the Thanksgiving dinner prep this year, it's not working out

Author image for Ben Weiss
Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Nov 23, 2022 8:00 AM EST

Something tells me this family is going to be ordering takeout this Thursday...

 

This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AmiTheA**hole subreddit by u/TheRaccoonEmpress, who opened up about her current drama with her husband as Thanksgiving approaches. After handling the whole family event on her own every year for decades, this Redditor asked if she could opt out of doing all the work this time around. Her husband stepped in and said he could totally handle it. As weeks went by and no work was being done in preparation for the event, the wife eventually couldn't help but notice that her husband, kind as he may be, was simply not up to the task. What's also funny here is how animated people were in the comments section. It sounds like plenty of people have been in the Redditor's shoes before. Keep scrolling below to see what they had to say! For more relationship drama, check out this story about a couple who discovered their neighbors were running an illegal Airbnb ring.

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  • 01
    Font - AITA for taking back control of Thanksgiving meal planning and cooking from my husband? I cook Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners every year for my husband, his family, and our kid and have for 16 years. I put a lot of love, planning, and effort into making it a really special day. This year, between work, parenting, and everything else, I'm tired and I don't want to cook Thanksgiving. I went to him and asked if we could just go to a nice restaurant instead. To my surprise, he said he'd h
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 02
    Font - However, even cooking a simple meal requires Thanksgiving forethought, like getting the frozen turkey in the fridge to defrost multiple days in advance. NOW is the time to pick up some items. I don't know if he knows what he signed up for. I started asking when he was planning on doing his grocery run and what dishes he was planning to serve. He just dodged the question and said he'd handle it. He has a habit of underestimating tasks and rushing last minute.
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 03
    Font - I finally was like, "Look, why don't we work together and start planning?" He admitted he was only going to cook a simple meal of turkey breast, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. That's it. Basically, I said that's not really a special holiday dinner and I wouldn't have agreed to that had I know that's what he meant. I said I'd be happy to work together and balance simple like he wants and special like I want. I suggested turkey, potatoes, packet gravy, box stuffing, pre-made mac and cheese,
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 04
    Font - He got really defensive and made it about him versus me, very black and white (your way or my way), his offer isn't good enough to me, I'm just trying to get my way. When I explained no, that's not what I mean, he insisted I did. I cannot imagine family showing up and being served a very simple meal like that, it's just bad holiday hosting. Maybe coordinating a potluck would be okay, but he wasn't doing that. We already committed to hosting them. AITA?
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 05
    Font - TL;DR husband offered to cook thanksgiving dinner for the first time instead of me, unbeknownst to me until now his offer was only to cook turkey, potatoes, and broccoli. Upon learning that, I insisted on working together to make a simple but more complete meal. He says I'm being controlling for insisting on serving more than that.
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 06
    Font - Wise_Impression_6391. 18 hr. ago Oh no, OP, his family is DEFINITELY expecting more and will also probably blame you when they have to adjust their expectations so drastically without warning. NTA 10.3k Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 07
    Font - TheRaccoonEmpress OP - 18 hr. ago I know. I cannot imagine the judgment they'd levy on a woman not lifting a finger to cook Thanksgiving while her husband handled it, even if I have done it solo for literal decades previously. 6.0k Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 08
    Rectangle - reappearingthread. 16 hr. ago (S) Just let them know that he's cooking, ahead of time. Like, now. 5.2k Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 09
    Font - .. Emerald BlueZen 12 hr. ago. edited 12 hr. ago 2 PS & 4 More THIS RIGHT HERE. Tell his family that you have way too much on your plate that your wonderful husband very kindly decided to handle everything on his own. That when you repeatedly offered to help out this amazing man insisted NO and that he was absolutely adamant that this was going to be his year to do thanksgiving, and that he needed no help whatsoever. That you are endlessly grateful to have a hubby like him, who won't even
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 10
    Font - Traveling-Techie - 17 hr. ago Let him fail. Tell everyone the minute they arrive that hubby did everything, you're not even sure what's on the menu, but you're sure it will be fabulous, and all credit should go to him. NTA Reply Share 4.5k
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 11
    Font - insurancelawyerbot - 17 hr. ago Yes, but perhaps let everyone know ahead of time that "Hubby is cooking this year. Please be kind. He wants to do it this year." You could suggest everyone bring a side dish. If the main dish fails; that's on him. But at least everyone would know. Malicious compliance. 2.3k Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 12
    Font - TheRaccoonEmpress OP. 16 hr. ago My therapist would call that (helping him not fail by insisting it be a potluck) "overfunctioning" 2.2k Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 13
    Font - JullabyBye 15 hr. ago They raised him, I don't see why you'd want to impress them, it's not like they did an impressive job. Just tell all the guests now that hubby dearest is cooking because he's seen you slave away in the kitchen for the past 16 years, knows how tired you currently are and as he is an amazing and capable human, he is going to do his very best. And then let him fail. If a grownass man can't adult, then it reflects badly on him, not on his partner. 249 Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 14
    Font - TheRaccoonEmpress OP. 15 hr. ago edited 15 hr. ago Part of his family is first generation American and they don't function like that ↑ 65 Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress
  • 15
    Font - farbenblind 18 hr. ago . NTA. You didn't want to do it because it's so much work - because it's a special day with special food. You suggested visiting a nice restaurant instead - because it's a special day, etc etc. It's nice that he offered to handle it this year, but he is not really handling it. 1.1k Reply Share
    via u/TheRaccoonEmpress

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family drama aita marriage thanksgiving family reddit thread Reddit happy thanksgiving
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